We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
