I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
