I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
