somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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