'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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