the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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