well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
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i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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