We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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