Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
the gays at disneyland are vicious
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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