hotel room ftw
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize