Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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