You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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