He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?