i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
