so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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