So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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