I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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