i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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