Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
