tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
