I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
