i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
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Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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