I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
