I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
