On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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