I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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