I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
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She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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