so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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