it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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