I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
