I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my poor anus
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
