NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
