I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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