I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
