we're chasing vodka with high fives
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
