Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
