at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we're so committed to being not committed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
