Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
