That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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