Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
