She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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