Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
