She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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