Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
