Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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