ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
