i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
