I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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