Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
