I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
