3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
