She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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