I wish i was in the wii world.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
