oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it