You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?