You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing