If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT