I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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