If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
