Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
