I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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