I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
