with your own penis?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
