so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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