final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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