I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
