Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
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Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
me + whiskey = a bad person
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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